


Doctor Evil's Lab of Evilness

by Anonymous



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Crack, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Bondage, M/M, Sex Fail, but mostly crack, no actual non-con or threat thereof, perceived threat of non-con, references to non-con, unintentional infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:07:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1896741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a bout of amnesia happens and awkwardness ensues.</p><p> </p><p>(Established science boyfriends. Eventual science boyfriends. Other pairings are temporary.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor Evil's Lab of Evilness

**Author's Note:**

> This one requires a lot of suspension of disbelief, because this is obviously not how amnesia works. Sorry.

Bruce was naked, his hands tied behind his back to a chair while Tony, dressed to the nines, kissed him languidly, stroking his cock. The ropes Tony had used to tie Bruce were of their own design; they fought back if Bruce resisted or tried to wiggle his way out, but would come apart on Tony's command, or if Bruce used his safeword, or standard safewords like 'red', 'safety', and 'safeword'.

 

"Please," Bruce whispered, when Tony paused to catch his breath.

 

"Please what?" Tony smirked.

 

Suddenly, they heard a rumbling sound outside. Bruce bumped his face against Tony's when they both looked to the source of the sound. Tony got off Bruce, probably to investigate it, but after he took two steps, there was suddenly a flash of white light, and Bruce felt himself slipping out of consciousness.

 

***

 

He woke up naked and tied to a chair. There was a man dressed smartly in a suit and tie sitting on the floor in front of him, but the naked man didn't recognise him. The clothed man looked as dazed as the naked one felt.

 

"Who the fuck are you?! And where is this place?" The Suit-and-tie demanded, brushing himself off and getting up.

 

"I don't... I'm..." The naked man started to say.

 

But he had no idea who he was. Or where he was, or why he was there. He couldn't remember anything at all. "Who are _you_?"

 

"I... what the fuck did you do to me?" Suit-and-tie demanded.

 

"What makes you think I did? I'm the one tied to a fucking chair! Do I look like the one in control of this quantum antidot lab?"

 

The man in the chair suddenly felt his heart-rate rising with his anger and his world took on a green haze. He instinctively closed his eyes and sang a Portuguese nursery rhyme to himself to restrain his anger. And wasn't that interesting? _He knew Portuguese_.

 

"Oh, good point. This must be my lab. Haha. Awesome! I'm a physicist," Suit-and-tie sauntered over to a desk, and looked through some notes on the desk. Then, he pulled up a screen and flicked through that, too. "Ha! Not just a physicist, I'm a genius of all trades. I even made a teleporter! And it looks like I was hacking DoD files, too. I seem awesome."

 

His eyes stopped on a piece of paper on the desk. "It looks like my name is 'Dr Robert Bruce Banner'."

 

The naked man suddenly felt off-kilter; at least the other guy knew his name. He, on the other hand, was naked, without any identification. He had nothing to go on.

 

He decided to give himself a name. Maybe Jack? No, he didn't feel like a Jack. Lysander? No, too exotic. He wanted something normal, something common. He didn't know a lot, but he knew that normality was important, just like he knew that positron emission tomography was usually done with fluorodeoxyglucose, or that George Washington was the first president of the United States.

 

Dave, maybe? Nice common name. He could be a Dave.

 

Dave picked at the ropes tying his hands behind his back, but they seemed to take a life of their own, resisting his efforts.

 

Dr Rober Bruce Banner picked up a tablet, turned it off, and used the surface as a mirror. "Ooh, I'm hot, too. Look at that sexy beard. I look like a super-villain. Dressed like one, too. Wait, am I super-villain? I mean, I do have you tied to a chair... And fuck, I know how to make a nuke off the top of my head," he smiled. "Well, guess I know my profession, now.

 

Just as quickly, the super-villan was frowning again. "Wait but 'Dr Banner' isn't really an appropriate name for a villain, is it? I bet I have a villain name. Like hmm... Doom. Do I feel like a Doom to you?" he looked in the tablet again. "Doctor Doom," he drawled. "Nah, too obvious. How about Doctor Evil?"

 

He sounded it out a few times.

 

"I like that. I'm Doctor Evil."

 

"'Dr Evil'? That's not obvious?" Dave asked, before he could stop himself. He really didn't need to bringing attention to himself, not when Dr Evil was spilling all kinds of information.

 

"You! How dare you criticise my super-villain name? You will pay for that," Dr Evil rounded on him. "Wonder why I have you tied up anyway. I could be interrogating you for some reason... or maybe your girlfriend is a super-hero and you're the bait?"

 

Dave already had some idea of why he was tied up, actually. He could smell the super-villain's scent all over his own body, including on his reproductive organs. His guess was that the villain was about to rape him, or maybe kept him as a sex slave, but he knew better than to say anything.

 

"No, wait," the super-villain continued. "You also lost your memory, but you knew this was a quantum antidot lab just by looking at it, so definitely not just some super-hero gal's hot boyfriend."

 

Dave looked down at his own body and wondered what Dr Evil saw in it that would make "hot boyfriend" remotely a possibility. Whatever it was, though, was probably the same reason he apparently wanted to rape him.

 

But then there was the fact that the super-villain was _right_ about Dave knowing enough physics to understand quantum antidots. And now that he thought about it, he _also_ knew how to make a teleporter and hack files. And maybe normal people didn't know how positron emission tomography worked?

 

Dave started to wonder if maybe Dr Evil was keeping him there for the science. Was the villain merely using the treat of rape to get him to talk?

 

"So we're back to someone I'm interrogating," Dr Evil said. "Now where was I?"

 

He looked at Dave expectantly, as if Dave would know.

 

"Well, you haven't injured me yet, so you're probably still in the evil-speech-of-evil phase?" Dave suggested, trying not to sound too hopeful.

 

"Hm... Good point. Right back into it, shall we? Mwahahahaha," he laughed in the perfect impersonation of a cartoon villain. "You are in my clutches now! You think your super-hero friends are going to save you, but they'll never find you in my lair. They will never stop my plans. They'll never get past--" 

 

There was a loud crash and a tall, muscular man with short blond hair fell through the ceiling. A red haired woman followed him down through the hole, but crashed into Dr Evil. The blond man was dressed in a white t-shirt and trousers, while the woman was wearing a black body-suit.

 

Dr Evil cried out in pain as the red-headed woman toppled him over.

 

Before anyone could process what had happened, however, a small red-and-gold rocket careened into the lab and started wrapping itself around Dr Evil.

 

"Argh, what--" Dr Evil started, but then he came to some sort of realisation and held his arms out. "Oh, ha! I know what this is. I have a suit of armour I fight in. Most excellent. Wait, ugh, really? Why would I choose Gryffindor colours? Still, nobody's perfect."

 

Everyone else watched in some combination of awe and terror.

 

An instant later, Dr Evil pointed his arm at Dave and something that looked vaguely like a small missile stuck out of it, aimed at Dave.

 

"So!" Dr Evil said to Redhead and Blondie. "You must be super-heroes come to rescue your scientist side-kick. Well, too bad. He's mine now. Property of Dr Evil forever-more. You can both back slowly out of here or I put this missile through that beautiful head of his."

 

"And you are Dr Evil?" Blondie asked.

 

"That's me! Mwahahahahaha."

 

"Um, sir?" the red-headed woman said timidly. "I think I might be on your side."

 

"You _think_?"

 

"I may be experiencing temporary amnesia..."

 

"Uh-huh. What makes you think you're on my side?"

 

The woman raised an eyebrow. "So I take it you're also experiencing amnesia?"

 

"Humour me. You think you're working for me, after all."

 

The woman pulled down the sleeve of her body-suit to reveal a tattoo of a skull, and lifted her hair to showcase a tattoo of a dagger with several drops of blood dripping from it, going down to where they disappeared under the fabric.

 

"They're Russian gang tattoos, the skull means murder and the dagger means hired assassin, one drop of blood for each paid death," she explained.

 

Dr Evil suddenly looked sick. "I hired an assassin?"

 

"Apparently."

 

"That's weird. I didn't think I was that kind of super-villain. Murder is so brutal... so inelegant."

 

Dave decided Dr Evil _not_ feeling like a murderer would be preferable, especially when he still had a missile pointed at his face.

 

"Maybe you didn't hire her," Dave said. "She could... she could be your girlfriend."

 

Dr Evil and Red-head looked at each other again. Dave hoped their senses of smell weren't as good as his. He definitely could not smell either of them on each other, and there was someone else's scent on the woman. Of course, she could have been out of town for a few days, maybe on a job where she needed to be intimate with someone else? Still it seemed unlikely.

 

"Well, you _are_ gorgeous, and obviously talented," Dr Evil said. "I could see myself going for that."

 

"And you are ruggedly handsome and seem to have built a criminal empire," the potential assassin conceded. "Which is not unattractive."

 

Dave held back a sigh of relief as Dr Evil put away the missile and the two villains moved towards each other to share a passionate kiss.

 

At the same time, Blondie recollected himself and moved behind Dave, trying to release him. However, Dave could feel the ropes fighting back.

 

"Forget it, it's not going to work," Dave whispered to him. "That thing on the wall over there is a teleporter," he gestured with his head. "Get out of here."

 

"Not a chance, sir" Blondie whisper-shouted. "I'll get you to safety, I promise."

 

"Get yourself to safety! You don't--" Dave started to say.

 

The instant he said the word 'safety', however, the ropes released themselves.

 

"Huh," Dave said.

 

Then he leapt out of the chair, and grabbed Blondie with one hand and the teleporter with the other.

 

"No, I've got to stop these--" Blondie tried to say, gesturing at the villains, who seemed to be having a debate about the relative elegance/inelegance of murder between kisses. You know, super-villain stuff.

 

Just before Dave managed to activate the teleporter, Blondie slipped out of his grasp.

 

Dave woke up in the middle of a lab. He had seen that the teleporter was set to somewhere near MIT. He immediately knew he had to go back, but since he didn't know were he was before, he needed to figure that out first. He decided to try using the teleporter to trace it.

 

He looked around the lab for anything that could help. He was surprised to find that as soon as he placed a hand on one of the screens, it turned on.

 

 _Biometric information confirmed._ the screen said. It showed him all sorts of research files.

 

Wait, why was the computer keyed with Dave's biometrics? Was this Dave's lab? But the teleporter was set to here, so maybe it was Dave's teleporter? He seemed to know how to operate it well enough. There was no time to think about that, though. He traced the path and entered the location into the teleporter.

 

When he got back, Redhead and Dr Evil were fighting a bunch of aliens. Their heads (Dave thought those were heads) looked like elongated human skulls full of bony protrusions and they seemed to be firing some sort of beam out of their hands. They each had four arms and three legs, or maybe the middle one was a tail, Dave wasn't clear on that point.

 

Blondie, in the meantime, was tied to the chair that Dave had been tied to earlier. He was tied with the same rope, too, though unlike Dave, he was fully clothed. He was also trying to duck Redhead's bullets, Dr Evil's repulsors and missiles, and the aliens' beams.

 

"SAFETY," Dave shouted, hoping the rope would release again from the same command.

 

Miraculously, it did.

 

"I _tried_ that!" Blondie said petulantly as he leapt out of the chair and jumped into the fight. He fought alongside Redhead and Dr Evil, and against the aliens. Dave wondered about that. He was pretty sure Dr Evil was the one who had tied Blondie up; the aliens didn't look like they had the dexterity necessary to have done it. 

 

Perhaps humans have to stand together in times like this.

 

Blondie fought bravely and beautifully. He was unarmed, but that didn't phase him. He could use anything lying around as a weapon, including the aliens. Taking his cues from his huge blond hero, Dave also tried to join in the fight.

 

Dave didn't quite have the same dexterity though, and he found himself getting shot by a stray repulsor blast from Dr Evil's armour.

 

"Fuck! Sorry!" Dr Evil said.

 

Dave suddenly found his own body shifting. Everything took on a green haze again, but even through that, he felt like his own body was turning green and becoming enormous. He tried to fight the change, singing the Portuguese nursery rhyme to himself, but it was like trying to stop a tsunami.

 

With his last lucid thought he wondered if the human tendency to stick together extended to part-time humans.

 

*****

 

When Dave came to again, Blondie was stroking his hair.

 

"Hey buddy, you there?" Blondie said.

 

Dave groaned and opened his eyes.

 

"Oh thank god you're awake. I was worried."

 

"What..."

 

"You saved my life. You saved all of our lives. Thank you."

 

"Um, sure?" Dave said, sitting up. He still had no idea what happened.

 

He surveyed his surroundings. Which were all smashed. In a corner, Dr Evil, who was out of his armour, greedily kissed his assassin. Dave averted his eyes, because ew. Okay, they were both pretty hot, but still. Supervillains. Ew.

 

"I think we should get you to a hospital," Blondie said, helping Dave up.

 

"What? I'm fine," Dave said. And he was. He was tired, but he didn't feel injured.

 

"No it's... listen, I think Dr Evil might have..." Blondie couldn't finish speaking through his expression of horror.

 

Dave was about to ask, before he remembered his own conclusion from earlier: that Dr Evil had tied him up to rape him.

 

"Oh," Dave said. "What makes you think that?"

 

"I can smell him on you." Blondie said, just above a whisper. "I'm so sorry."

 

"Oh. But if you could smell that, then you probably also know," Dave jerked his head in the direction of Dr Evil and his Assassin, who were in the middle of removing each other's clothes.

 

Blondie smirked. "Yeah they weren't together. Good thinking, though, convincing him he's not a murderer when he had a missile pointed at your head."

 

"I don't think he raped me," Dave said. "Maybe he was going to, but I think I'd be able to feel it if he already did."

 

"Well, you were also hit pretty badly by the alien rays," Blondie argued. "I'd like to make sure you're okay. Let's get you checked out anyway."

 

He placed a hand almost affectionately on Dave's neck, and acting on impulse, Dave turned to him and caught Blondie's lips with his own. A moment later Blondie was reciprocating and--

 

And there was a flash of white light.

 

***

 

Bruce breathed in and was assaulted by the scent of Steve Rogers, smelling musty and exhausted like he always did after a battle. He opened his eyes and found that he was indeed in the middle of snogging the captain.

 

Steve seemed to have come to the same realisation.

 

Both men pulled back and then pushed each other away, staring at each other in shock.

 

There was debris from broken lab equipment all over the place, strewn amongst alien corpses.

 

Memory of the last hour came back to him, but that didn't make things any better.

 

"What the fuck!" Tony said on the other side of the smashed up lab. 

 

Both Bruce and Steve turned to look.

 

He and Natasha were staring at each other. They were both on the floor, their shirts and Natasha's bra thrown haphazardly over various pieces of lab equipment. Tony's still-erect cock was out, and Natasha's pants were down giving a clear view of her bottom.

 

Bruce and Steve averted their eyes and went back to looking at each other. There was a rustling sound as Natasha put her clothes back on and scurried out of the lab.

 

A mortified Steve followed her out.

 

"JARVIS," Tony said. "Where's JARVIS?"

 

Without even bothering to put his clothes back on, he went to a computer screen and pulled up JARVIS, who was understandably petulant about being shut down by a _spell_ of all things.

 

Only after they made sure JARVIS was okay did Bruce and Tony turn to each other.

 

"Fuck," Tony said.

 

"Are you..."

 

"Yeah, I'm fine."

 

"This is..."

 

"Weird."

 

"Did the Hulk...?"

 

"He didn't remember who we were or where we were," Tony said. "But he helped protect us from the aliens, anyway. Which is really what I've been trying to tell you he'd do for the past few months, so--"

 

"Really?" Bruce asked, checking Tony for sincerity. "He just helped, even though he didn't remember you?"

 

"He didn't smash the aliens," Tony said. "He just disarmed them. Well, maybe literally since their weapons were part of their bodies, but... yeah he helped us. Really. I can show you the... okay, no, I can't show the footage because fucking magic, but I swear that's what happened. You can ask Steve. He wouldn't lie."

 

"I believe you," Bruce said. "Thank you."

 

"Yeah," Tony said. Then he smirked. "So, Captain Rogers, huh? Didn't think big-blond-super-hero persona was your type."

 

"That was for like three seconds," Bruce groaned. "Besides, you were snogging Miss Russian-gangster-assassin so hard you didn't even notice me slipping out. Also 'Dr Evil'? Seriously?"

 

Tony cringed. "Okay, how about we never mention this again?"

 

"That sounds like a deal," Bruce said.

 

He leaned in to seal it with a kiss.


End file.
